on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
