Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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