This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
