is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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