We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
