I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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