He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
