Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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