Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
