you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
