I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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