Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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