haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
