we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
