Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
bring money and cleavage
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
