I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
