He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
