I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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