CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She's the barista slut.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
