Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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