D3 body, D1 cock
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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