My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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