She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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