..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
