her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
