i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
