Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
