That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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