I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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