sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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