I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My hand turned me down
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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