I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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