i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
