You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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