I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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