sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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