So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
