this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
