I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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