I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
