i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
