I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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