My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
