did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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