you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
