i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
