he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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