they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
