Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Randomize
