Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You made out with two different species that night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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