i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
